Contributor: Isekhua Evborokhai
INTRODUCTION
In Genesis 25–32, Jacob and Esau became estranged after Jacob deceived their father Isaac and took Esau’s birthright and blessing. In Genesis 27:41, Esau vowed to kill Jacob, causing Jacob to flee to Laban. Over 20 years pass. Jacob is returning to Canaan, but concerned about his reunion with Esau. But instead of hostility, we will from today’s study see a moving moment of forgiveness and reconciliation. In a study I have sub titled: “lessons on forgiveness from an unlikely character”.
The Bible does not portray Esau as someone who was spiritual. As a matter of fact, Hebrews 12:16 calls him “godless” for despising his birthright. Yet we see in today’s study a man who modelled what looks like Christ-like forgiveness—running to embrace the offender without condition. Just like the father of the prodigal son (Luke 15:20).
KEY LESSONS ON FORGIVENESS
1. Forgiveness restores relationships (Verses 1-3)
“Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two female servants. 2 He put the female servants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear. 3 He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother.”
Jacob bows repeatedly (Gen. 33:3) as a gesture of humility. Esau responds with reconciliation, not hostility. Matthew 5:23–24 – Be reconciled to your brother before offering gifts at the altar. 2 Corinthians 5:18 – God calls us to a “ministry of reconciliation.”
True forgiveness does not only restore relationships with man but especially our relationship with God. Matthew 6:14-15 says: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins".
2. Forgiveness frees us (Verses 4-7)
“4 But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. 5 Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked. Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant.” 6 Then the female servants and their children approached and bowed down. 7 Next, Leah and her children came and bowed down. Last of all came Joseph and Rachel, and they too bowed down.
Forgiveness frees us from being controlled by bitterness. We must give Esau the credit here. He had every right (humanly speaking) to seek revenge. Instead, he chose to forgive and embrace Jacob. Proverbs 19:11 says: “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”
Choosing not to retaliate usually breaks cycles of conflict. Unforgiveness on the other hand perpetuates the cycle of evil. Romans 12:19–21 says:
“19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
When we forgive people, it is not usually for their sakes but for ours. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing wrong but releasing its hold. Holding bitterness keeps us captive, but forgiveness sets us free.
Discussion: What do we think was the reason Esau chose forgiveness over revenge?
3. Sincere Forgiveness Holds no Guile Verses 8-16
“8 Esau asked, “What’s the meaning of all these flocks and herds I met?” “To find favor in your eyes, my lord,” he said. 9 But Esau said, “I already have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself.” 10 “No, please!” said Jacob. “If I have found favor in your eyes, accept this gift from me. For to see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favourably. 11 Please accept the present that was brought to you, for God has been gracious to me and I have all I need.” And because Jacob insisted, Esau accepted it.” 12 Then Esau said, “Let us be on our way; I’ll accompany you.”13 But Jacob said to him, “My lord knows that the children are tender and that I must care for the ewes and cows that are nursing their young. If they are driven hard just one day, all the animals will die. 14 So let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I move along slowly at the pace of the flocks and herds before me and the pace of the children, until I come to my lord in Seir.”15 Esau said, “Then let me leave some of my men with you.” “But why do that?” Jacob asked. “Just let me find favor in the eyes of my lord.” 16 So that day Esau started on his way back to Seir.
In verse 9, Esau said: “I already have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself”
This shows that Esau wasn’t harbouring hidden resentment or trying to profit from forgiveness. He didn’t see Jacob’s gifts as necessary payment for reconciliation. Esau’s forgiveness was pure, free, and uncalculated. It was not about restitution but restoration.
4. Forgiveness Opens the Way for a New Chapter (Verses 17-20)
“17 Jacob, however, went to Sukkoth, where he built a place for himself and made shelters for his livestock. That is why the place is called Sukkoth. 18 After Jacob came from Paddan Aram, he arrived safely at the city of Shechem in Canaan and camped within sight of the city. 19 For a hundred pieces of silver; he bought from the sons of Hamor, the father of Shechem, the plot of ground where he pitched his tent. 20 There he set up an altar and called it El Elohe Israel.”
Jacob no longer has to live in fear of his brother’s revenge. The forgiveness he received removed the shadow of guilt and freed him to move forward. Psalm 32:1 says: “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven whose sins are covered.”
Jacob’s ability to settle, build, and worship shows the peace that comes after reconciliation. Forgiveness gave him stability; he could finally invest in the future instead of running from the past.
5. Elements of Sincere Forgiveness
Sincere forgiveness doesn’t demand repayment. If we say we forgive but secretly expect the other person to “make it up to us,” our forgiveness carries guile.
Forgiveness doesn’t manipulate. Esau didn’t use forgiveness as a tool to gain wealth, control, or advantage. Likewise, we must not forgive with hidden motives.
Forgiveness restores dignity. By refusing the gift initially, Esau lifted the burden of guilt from Jacob, showing that the relationship was restored, not transactional.
Forgiveness reflects God’s mercy. The forgiveness that Esau gave his brother Jacob is one that foreshadows God’s forgiveness toward sinners. He welcomed his undeserving brother (Jacob) is with love. Colossians 3:13 – “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
How can we contrast Esau’s forgiveness and conditional & transactional forgiveness today?
• Using forgiveness as a bargaining tool (I will forgive you if…)
• Keeping the offender indebted (continue bringing up the offense to gain leverage.)
• Using forgiveness as a tool for control (Remember how you hurt me? You owe me.)
CONCLUSION
Forgiveness is not weakness but strength. Today’s teaches us that forgiveness brings peace, restores relationships, and reflects God’s own heart. Just as Esau forgave Jacob, and just as God forgives us in Christ, we are called to forgive others. Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Freely, not transactionally.
We should practice sincere forgiveness. When someone apologizes to us, we check our hearts and be sure that we are forgiving them freely, and not holding them in debt. Forgiveness may involve healthy boundaries, but it is never meant to be a form of control or currency. True forgiveness says: “You don’t owe me anymore. I release you.”
When we forgive, we mirror Christ’s heart to a watching world.
